I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Your penis caused this!
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