They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
