he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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