Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I don't deserve a penis
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize