Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize