Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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