Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
