I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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