If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
