You did not just play the dead husband card again.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
