Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
You need a sexual gate keeper
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
