This dress was meant to end up on your floor
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize
