walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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