You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
