The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
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