Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
