Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
