I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
