you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
