OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
