yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
