I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize