The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
