Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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