He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
