you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
