Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
