no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
