Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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