She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
