I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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