He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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