Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize