Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
