I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I yelled at your uterus for you.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
