Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Randomize
