Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
