i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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