I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
