Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Randomize
