So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Come on in and take your pants off
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