I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
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