In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
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