We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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