Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
