Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize
