i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
