also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
