that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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