this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
