can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
