my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
