someone threw a dead crab at me
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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