Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
