what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
