sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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