then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize