She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
