we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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