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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
do nipples grow back?
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