I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
