Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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