So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
if only i could text you this smell
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
