Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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