I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
