Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
