Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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