At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
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