Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
