If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
