he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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