Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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