Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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