Who wears a wallet chain?!
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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