i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Say something about gay babies.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
