I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
