The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
