the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
