Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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