but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
