first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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