with your own penis?
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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