Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
