Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
