how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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