Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
