With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
