Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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