I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
