he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
