You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
