I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
