when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize