Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
