No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
